Procrastinating on the Beach

Dear readers,

I’m sorry that I haven’t written earlier. I should say that being immersed in intense revision for my upcoming finals has kept me from updating my blog, when in truth the reason boils down to nothing more strenuous than the simple yet embarrassing fact that I have, head over flip-flops, gotten into The O.C..

For those of you whose televisions – or meaningful lives – have so far remained untouched by its beached splendour, The O.C. is a teen drama in the vein of 90210, a sort of Dawson’s goes west, and if Fox Television has been criticised for its recent reality TV binge then it may have redeemed itself by creating something so unreal that it airs as a sort of unattainable wish list. At the top of mine is Mischa Barton, who plays Marissa, and whose image unashamedly adorns my desktop as possibly the most attractive on television. Seriously...hot.

But then everybody is - even the geek, who I, with just the slightest nerd-identification, am rooting for to get laid. I’m nine episodes in after only three days of downloading/watching/visiting the official website and I tell you, he’s getting warm. Go Seth! And although the Southern California of The O.C. differs from that where I spent the last academic year, I still pine over the opening credits and cajole other viewers with stories of my brief time in L.A. (pictured left). I, like the show’s protagonist Ryan - played like a wooden stool by Benjamin McKenzie - was an exotic outsider. Well, sort of. But seriously...hot.

Wish me luck in my final tomorrow, San

Bugger

Up to Here

I once lived with a guy from Essex - and this isn't a limmerick - who, at least twice a day, would raise his palm flat above his head and exclaim in his whiny, southern accent, "I've had it up to here." If I had the energy, it being a good two hours past my bedtime, or if I felt I could do Steve justice, I might motion the very same gesture. I'm tired and my head is filled with the stories of woe, sorrow and sickening torture that I've read today in print and online media.

Hoping for some lighter bedtime reading I set my lapdog, as I've decided to call my computer, to Best of Craigslist, a refreshingly ad-free, no frills online community with user generated content, the best of which usually warrants 'LOL' in the true sense of the 'word'.

I read a post from the Missed Connections section on the recommendation that it was 'funny'. That word, I think, is banded around perhaps too much nowadays. The post, one man's story of losing his love in translation, didn't make me laugh. It, the news of the world, and the very desperate fact that at 2:45am you're all I have to talk to, has left me feeling kind of sad. Well, if I'm going down...Here's the link: 'I Chased You for 12 Years...'

Night night.

The Sounds of the Summer

Since the Windows Media Player to iTunes migration that inspired the previous blog entry (Burn It: 'Songs to Fall Asleep to') I've been listening to a lot of glorious and illegally downloaded music, from Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, to Prince & the Revolution, Joss Stone and The Libertines, not of course performing together, but wouldn't that be a treat for the ears? Then, when a 'fatal exception' error message occurred - probably a reaction to the Joss Stone/Libertines pairing - I was forced to restart my computer and for a brief moment the juggernaut that is my MP3 collection came to a halt and I was left alone with only those sounds emanating through my open window; sounds inextricably bound to those few months in the middle of the year that this hemisphere calls summer.

Today that distant sound of the good people of the world mowing their lawns was but a few feet away, somewhat deafening and a bittersweet reminder that the smell of newly cut grass, once a calling card to the summer holidays of my youth, is now Kryptonite to the allergy sufferer that I have become. Nevertheless, through itchy eyes and running nose, I appreciated the familiar and harmonic sounds of man taming nature, albeit with a lowered rotating blade, and the great machines of flight, birds and aeroplanes, both of which can be heard chirping and humming through the white striped, blue skies.

Why is it that you hear more aeroplanes in the summertime? Is it because you just have more time/make more time to lay on the grass and stare up at the skies? Is it because the skies are clearer, and sound travels better? Or am I being stupid, and do people just take more trips in their planes in the summer?

By act of coincidence, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince's 'Summertime' has shuffled its way to the top of my playlist and it's just occurred to me that none of these points are raised by the Philadelphia duo. In fact, my summers are rarely like that rendered by the song:

It's late in the day and I ain't been on the court yet
Hustle to the mall to get me a short set
Yeah I got on sneaks but I need a new pair
Cause basketball courts in the summer got girls there

And actually, that is a good point. I haven't been to the court yet. Well, I'm off. See you tomorrow.

Burn It: 'Songs to Fall Asleep to'

I spent the most part of the business day, that is 9 'til 5, not revising as I should be for my upcoming-'round-the-corner finals but instead coordinating a mass migration of my considerable MP3 collection from Windows Media Player to my new digital jukebox of choice, iTunes from Apple, the company that bought us the iMac and the iPod but who claim no involvement in the Eddie Murphy-Owen Wilson box office bomb, iSpy.

As I scrolled the 3545 songs in my collection (that's 10.3 days of continuous music), burning a CD for my sister "on the fly", as is an advantageous feature of iTunes, I imagined myself an artist, crafting a piece of work from the pieces of others. After all, burning a CD is in itself an art, like the mix-tape that came before it, which when done right could sustain a long distance relationship or bring a short distance one even closer.

In recognition of this art I have decided to present my masterpieces here in a series that I, and NME magazine from where I stole the idea, like to call Burn It. Of course, feel free to add your comments and suggestions to my tracklistings, which after all are compiled only from the music in my collection. But if you plan on taking my advice literally and actually "burn it", please do so only with the written permission of the artists involved. Without further ado and since I'm about to turn in myself I present to you the first collection in the Burn It series...

Night Night: Songs to Fall Asleep to (Total Time: 1:16:15)

1. 'Turn Out the Lamp Light' - George Benson I don't think jazz/soul crooner George Benson's intentions are for sleeping with this track but nevertheless, for ours the rich, floating arrangement has quite the lulling effect...before George makes his move.
2. 'Don't Leave the Light On Baby' - Belle & Sebastian Scottish Chamber Pop stars insist the light is turned right off, but from the opening line, "it's been a bloody stupid day", their intentions differ from Benson's pillow talk, and I can't think of a better lyric to summarize most of my days.
3. 'Come Away With Me' - Norah Jones Who has not heard this? Chosen for the lyric, "I want to wake up with the rain/Falling on a tin roof/While I'm safe there in your arms." I want the same, Norah.
4. 'Nightswimming' - R.E.M. R.E.M. lyrics have a way of conjuring memories in the listener that don't actually exist. Whenever I hear this I'm like, "ah...I remember that, by the lake, under the moon, yeah...", when the truth is I've never been skinny-dipping.
5. 'So Far Away' - Carole King A theme song for long distance lovers this is gorgeous, especially when the flute improvises into the fade at the end. And yeah Carole, so true - nobody stays in one place anymore.
6. 'Harvest Moon' - Neil Young I love this. So sweet and vulnerable. And a little bit country.
7. 'Simply Beautiful' - Al Green The sexiest song ever and a great start to the trilogy of bedroom tracks I've included. The sparse instrumentation and Green's really close vocal make up for the fact that there are almost no lyrics.
8. 'Lay, Lady, Lay' - Bob Dylan The fact that he already sounds like an old man, and it's increasingly difficult to remember a time when he wasn't, makes this a somewhat unsettling listen. If you can get past that, and the lyric "lay across my big brass bed", the lazy country-pop groove is pretty cool.
9. 'If I Should Die Tonight' - Marvin Gaye Many forget that Gaye's erotic concept album, Let's Get It On, is actually an homage to monogamy and this, its most sensitive moment, is a classic slow jam.
10. 'Lookin' for Another Pure Love' - Stevie Wonder I really love this, and the guitar solo courtesy of Jeff Beck is to die for. I've had it on loop before, just over and over...
11. 'If I Fall' - Aqualung The Aqualung CD will actually put you to sleep because it's pretty boring, but this is a good pick for a mix CD with that in mind.
12. 'Wonderwall' - Ryan Adams Everybody knows and loves the Oasis classic and so most people hate this stripped and slowed down version. I personally love it. It's haunting and understated, and the riff that loops and fades out the Oasis version is here just faintly echoed as a brilliant aide memoir of the original.
13. 'No Surprises' - Radiohead "No alarms and no surprises" sounds like a good night's sleep to me, and the lullaby-like xylophone driven track might induce just that. I think there should be more xylophones in pop songs.
14. 'Perfect Blue Buildings' - Counting Crows Don't listen to bearded Rasta man Adam Duritz when he sings, "help me stay awake", and instead drift off into the pretty melody, "a little oblivion".
15. 'Sparks' - Coldplay Chris Martin's falsetto is one of the best things about British music and here it works sparingly and in contrast to the verses sung in his lower register. Very simple but lovely.
16. 'The Blower's Daughter' - Damien Rice Imagine if Leonard Cohen could sing well...Damien Rice, the Irish folkster, has a knack for storytelling and although the stories themselves are sometimes unclear it's the details that grab you. On his magnificent debut, O, Rice moves from the living room intimacy of guitar/vocals to the orchestral grandeur of swelling strings in a heartbeat, with a closeness of production that sounds like they were recorded in the same room with you sat on a footstool in the corner. 'The Blower's Daughter' is my favourite, melancholy, optimistic, longing, it's almost magical and reason enough to buy his album.
17. 'Mothersbaugh's Canon' - Mark Mothersbaugh Two instrumental tracks from soundtracks close this mix-CD. This, from The Royal Tenenbaums, a poignant and atmospheric piece and...
18. 'I Love N.Y.E.' - Badly Drawn Boy You would probably be deep into the Land of Nod already listening to my mix-CD. If not, this graceful and dreamy instrumental should do the trick and is a perfect way to say goodnight. Thanks for listening.

My Morrissey Moment

There comes a moment in a young man's life when he finds himself in the forlorn, Mancunian melancholy of Morrissey, lead singer of '80s indie band, The Smiths, and general naysayer of misery. Don't worry if your moment hasn't yet come. It will, however happy and content you feel now.

It came for American singer Ryan Adams, whose Morrissey moment was recorded with Smiths' producer John Porter for his new album Love Is Hell, which I will review once I've decided whether it's as good as Jeff Buckley's Grace, as I'm beginning to suspect, or more Will & Grace. I'm still not sure which, but one thing is certain and that is that Adams is one of many young men on both sides of the Atlantic suffering from what experts call, Morrissitis. That is, he is experiencing his 'Morrissey moment', a deep understanding of the romantic angst and social alienation of Smiths songs, and - just as every sibling claims "black sheep" status - an affinity with the Mozza himself, as NME so affectionately nickname the singer.

With songs such as 'Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me', 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now', the observational 'Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others', and my favourite, 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out', The Smiths were clearly in tune with those on the cusp of youth and young manhood. The latter, pointedly their most romantic song, boasts the chorus:

And if a double-decker bus Crashes into us To die by your side Is such a heavenly way to die And if a ten-ton truck Kills the both of us To die by your side Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine

It was a song that I heard the morning of my cousin's wedding last weekend and one that I had stuck in my head, where I tried desperately to keep it, fearing that the newlyweds might misconstrue Morrissey's most romantic song as being somewhat downbeat. Another cousin, Praag, recognised my incessant humming and a conversation soon ensued between two Morrissitis sufferers. "'Girlfriend In A Coma' is really the quintessential Smiths song," Praag said. "The upbeat melody and the shockingly downbeat lyrics are classic Morrissey."

Girlfriend in a coma, I know I know - it's serious Girlfriend in a coma, I know I know - it's really serious

There were times when I could Have "murdered" her (But you know, I would hate Anything to happen to her)

No, I don't want to see her!

The quintessence of Ryan Adam's Morrissey moment can be heard on 'Anybody Wanna Take Me Home', the most obviously Smiths influenced track on Love Is Hell that sees our hero lurking in the corner of a bar, watching others and "dancing in the coma/of the drinks [he] just had". Elsewhere, his flirtations with love and death lack the tongue-in-cheek, or rather foot-in-mouth, of Morrissey's lyrics. On 'Afraid Not Scared' Adams sings, "I'm really dying here", and indeed the grave sincerity of his album makes for a penetrating and challenging listen, and one that I'll evaluate soon. For now, I'm going to take Love Is Hell out of my CD player and go to be bed. Heaven knows I'm miserable now.

A Ham Sandwich

Argh! Michael Jackson is driving me crazy! And not like in the Eighties when he rocked the suburbs with his infectious grooves, driving a rainbow hued generation Off the Wall and moonwalking to the discothèques. This time, twenty years from Thriller, his latest record might be criminal, as he faces ten charges of child molestation, abduction and conspiracy, as read to him yesterday at his arraignment in Santa Maria, California.

He is again everywhere, and the sensational coverage of this case, although not yet a trial but already that of the century, has driven me to use my blog as an occasional alternative news outlet and since, as I’ve just seen, CNN enlist an expert panel of entertainment moguls, television presenters and Loyola State University law professors, I might offer my ‘expertise’.

CNN’s expert panel spoke with an assumption of Jackson’s guilt and yet dedicated a segment of the show to defending his prosecutor, District Attorney Tom Sneddon against charges of unfair practice, even advising that we not judge the D.A., as he has been unfairly represented by the media and Jackson’s interchangeable lawyers. Well, the King of Pop has hardly been treated like royalty by CNN and other such news outlets.

I have to go, but before I do I just want to remind you – because CNN won’t – that Jackson, or anybody facing trial, should be presumed innocent until proven guilty and that an indictment is just a formal accusation arising from a Grand Jury, having been presented evidence by the prosecutor only. There is a saying, ‘you can indict a ham sandwich,’ but I would still advise that you presume its innocence.